Addiction is a thief. It steals not only the addict’s ability to live a productive, fruitful life, but it also steals from those who love the addict and makes you blind to the person you know is underneath.
As the parent, you can find yourself so focused on trying to find help for your son or daughter, that life becomes completely submerged in all the bad that goes on around addiction. We can forget who our child really is underneath the surface.
Once someone has left this life it’s too late to do those things you wanted to do and say those things you wanted to say.
The night before John went to heaven, there was something I wish I had done, but I told myself I would tell him about it later. It was an insignificant thing, but still something I wish I had not put off.
While praying through whether or not to actually write this blog, and if I decided to go through with it, I wanted to choose a name that would have meaning and would resonate with readers. So why “Waiting with Hope”?
Back in 2008, when John’s struggle with addiction had so overtaken our family, I was working through a Bible study that took me to Psalm 27. I had possibly read this Psalm at some point prior to this particular day, but on this day when I read verses 13 and 14, the words jumped off the page and gripped my heart.
The Wednesday before John’s physical death, Robert was out of town on a business trip. I was sitting on the sofa in our living room, where I usually sit when reading my Bible and praying, and I had a come-apart. This was certainly not the first time I had met with and prayed to the Lord in desperation, but this particular morning the weight of the journey of John’s depression and addiction was exceptionally heavy.
I read some, prayed some, cried some, and then began all over again for quite a long time. Near the end of my time with the Lord I was completely overwhelmed and cried out loud that this weight was too much to bear—“how much longer Lord will we have to watch our son destroy himself through drug addiction? How much longer, Lord? I don’t think I can bear this heartache and pain for even one more day.” I desperately pleaded with the Lord to intervene, to free John from the chains of addiction. But the Lord was once again silent—as He seemingly had been for years.
Robert talked to John about 9:00pm on Friday, January 6, 2017, to confirm where we would meet him on the 8th once we arrived in Minneapolis. January 8th was his 27th birthday. It had been nine months since we had been up to see him. On April 3, 2016, we left him standing in the driveway of the home where he lived waving goodbye to us. As we drove away, I looked back until we turned the corner, and I silently prayed that it wouldn’t be the last time we saw him.
Waiting with Hope 