Category: Strength

Hold Fast

Linda8 Comments

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It’s been a while since I’ve written here. My initial goal was to write about once a week. But that hasn’t happened since late last year.

I don’t know why, but I was thinking that somehow after that first anniversary, January 7, 2018, the first anniversary of John’s physical death, I would be able to move a bit further down this road of grief. Not feel quite as sad or quite so weary. Maybe not feel as lost or not as incomplete. But that hasn’t happened either.

On the recommendation of a dear friend the Lord brought to me last year, Robert and I took a trip over the Christmas holidays intentionally not returning home until after the first year anniversary and John’s birthday, the day after his physical death, January 8th.

I’m so glad we listened and took her advice. Getting away from the familiar helped. But it didn’t make it go away. Upon returning home, the fact that John is gone once again became overwhelming. And my hopes of feeling better were dashed.

How foolish of me to think that the passing of a date would somehow make things better. Isn’t it odd how our minds work? We want to talk ourselves into things, don’t we?

The anticipation of facing that first year anniversary was gut wrenching—reliving those days leading up to the phone call we received telling us that John was gone. And then walking back into our home after our time away to only be reminded that John is not coming back.

My faith began to waver… maybe I should just give up.

Multiple times in scripture the Word tells us to hold fast. Here are just three of those verses.

“You shall walk after the LORD your God and fear him and keep his commandments and obey his voice, and you shall serve him and hold fast to him.”

Deuteronomy 13:4

 “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him (says the Lord); I will protect him, because he knows my name.”

Psalm 91:14

 “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.”

Hebrews 10:23

So here I find myself . . . holding fast . . . often wavering . . . but not giving up.

During these last few months, the song He Will Hold Me Fast has come across my ears numerous times. Every time I hear it, it encourages me to keep holding fast to the One who is holding me.

“For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”

Isaiah 41:13 NIV

When the Lord saved me over 35 years ago, He wrote my name in His book. He took me as His own. He anchored me in His love. I will hold fast to the God of my salvation.

One day our faith will be made sight . . . until then—hold fast.

“Only hold fast (to) what you have until I come.”

Revelation 2:25

 “I am coming soon . . .”

Revelation 3:11

HE WILL HOLD ME FAST  (link)

Verse One

When I fear my faith will fail, Christ will hold me fast;
When the tempter would prevail, He will hold me fast.
I could never keep my hold through life’s fearful path;
For my love is often cold; He must hold me fast.

Chorus
He will hold me fast, He will hold me fast;
For my Saviour loves me so, He will hold me fast.

Verse Two

Those He saves are His delight, Christ will hold me fast;
Precious in his holy sight, He will hold me fast.
He’ll not let my soul be lost; His promises shall last;
Bought by Him at such a cost, He will hold me fast.

Verse Three

For my life He bled and died, Christ will hold me fast;
Justice has been satisfied; He will hold me fast.
Raised with Him to endless life, He will hold me fast
‘Till our faith is turned to sight, When He comes at last!

Lyrics vv 1&2 by Ada R. Habershon; v 3 & Music by Matt Merker; Video by Getty Music

 

Quoted scripture is from the ESV unless otherwise noted.

Sustained by the Sustainer

Linda1 Comment

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Over the last several weeks, I’ve been reflecting on how the Lord has abundantly and powerfully shown Himself to be strong on our behalf this year. October 7th marked nine months since John went to heaven. Seems like it’s been such a long time. But by God’s measure of time, John is just getting started.

As I’ve reflected, the word sustain has struck me anew.  I’ve been reading scripture that speaks of the Lord sustaining His children. This made me want to look more deeply into the meaning of the word. And here’s a bit of what I found:

  • to support, hold up
  • to endure without giving way or yielding
  • to keep up or keep going

A few synonyms and similar phrases:

  • brace; bear; carry; defend; feed; maintain; preserve; uphold; keep alive; keep from falling

These are strong, substantial words and phrases to define the word sustain.

People ask me from time to time, how are you doing? And I appreciate this so much because it reminds me that they still remember and are praying for us. My answer to that question is usually something like, doing OK; it’s a long process; the Lord has been faithful.

But He’s been so much more than just faithful. He has been my faithful Sustainer. The very air I breathe.

He has supported me and held me up when I’ve felt I couldn’t stand. He has helped me endure when I’ve wanted to give up. He has defended me against the lies of the enemy when I’ve wanted to believe them. He has fed me with His Word, preserved me, kept me alive, and kept me from falling away when my faith has been weak.

Yes, He has been my Sustainer. He is my Sustainer.

Another definition of sustain is—to undergo, experience, or suffer an injury, loss, etc.

According to what I’ve read in books and heard from other parents who have lost children, the death of a child is one of the most difficult of all losses. A friend who lost her son several years ago, and then more recently lost her husband told me, you always know there’s a chance that you will outlive your spouse, but you never expect to outlive your child.

Perhaps child loss is the greatest, it has certainly been the most difficult loss I’ve faced so far. But regardless, Robert and I have sustained a tremendous loss.

So as He would have it, our Sustainer God is sustaining his children who have sustained a great loss. Such a play on words, but it’s true.

He’s upholding, preserving, feeding, carrying, supporting, and maintaining those who belong to Him who are suffering and carrying a heavy weight. He’s not only doing this for me, He’s also doing it for you, brother or sister in Christ.

So I encourage you to call out to Him, lean into Him, and walk in His strength as He upholds you. Let the Word of the Lord remind you anew of your great Sustainer… (the emphasis below is mine)

Forty years you (God) sustained them (the Israelites) in the wilderness, and they lacked nothing. Their clothes did not wear out and their feet did not swell.  

Nehemiah 9:21

I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me.

Psalm 3:5

Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.

Psalm 55:22

(The Lord)…will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I Corinthians 1:8

Quoted scripture is from the ESV unless otherwise noted.

Be Strong & Courageous

LindaLeave a comment

When you see someone you love hurting themselves, what is your natural instinct? It should be to stop them and to show them another way, right? But what do you do when that person won’t stop, when that person won’t change?

Many times John told me that he did not want to do the things he was doing or be the way he was as far as his addiction. He would be broken hearted over the hurt he had brought to his dad and me. He would be broken hearted over the life he was living. Yet time after time he would go to rehab and get clean, only to relapse again.

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