Tag: Child Loss

Sustained by the Sustainer

Linda1 Comment

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Over the last several weeks, I’ve been reflecting on how the Lord has abundantly and powerfully shown Himself to be strong on our behalf this year. October 7th marked nine months since John went to heaven. Seems like it’s been such a long time. But by God’s measure of time, John is just getting started.

As I’ve reflected, the word sustain has struck me anew.  I’ve been reading scripture that speaks of the Lord sustaining His children. This made me want to look more deeply into the meaning of the word. And here’s a bit of what I found:

  • to support, hold up
  • to endure without giving way or yielding
  • to keep up or keep going

A few synonyms and similar phrases:

  • brace; bear; carry; defend; feed; maintain; preserve; uphold; keep alive; keep from falling

These are strong, substantial words and phrases to define the word sustain.

People ask me from time to time, how are you doing? And I appreciate this so much because it reminds me that they still remember and are praying for us. My answer to that question is usually something like, doing OK; it’s a long process; the Lord has been faithful.

But He’s been so much more than just faithful. He has been my faithful Sustainer. The very air I breathe.

He has supported me and held me up when I’ve felt I couldn’t stand. He has helped me endure when I’ve wanted to give up. He has defended me against the lies of the enemy when I’ve wanted to believe them. He has fed me with His Word, preserved me, kept me alive, and kept me from falling away when my faith has been weak.

Yes, He has been my Sustainer. He is my Sustainer.

Another definition of sustain is—to undergo, experience, or suffer an injury, loss, etc.

According to what I’ve read in books and heard from other parents who have lost children, the death of a child is one of the most difficult of all losses. A friend who lost her son several years ago, and then more recently lost her husband told me, you always know there’s a chance that you will outlive your spouse, but you never expect to outlive your child.

Perhaps child loss is the greatest, it has certainly been the most difficult loss I’ve faced so far. But regardless, Robert and I have sustained a tremendous loss.

So as He would have it, our Sustainer God is sustaining his children who have sustained a great loss. Such a play on words, but it’s true.

He’s upholding, preserving, feeding, carrying, supporting, and maintaining those who belong to Him who are suffering and carrying a heavy weight. He’s not only doing this for me, He’s also doing it for you, brother or sister in Christ.

So I encourage you to call out to Him, lean into Him, and walk in His strength as He upholds you. Let the Word of the Lord remind you anew of your great Sustainer… (the emphasis below is mine)

Forty years you (God) sustained them (the Israelites) in the wilderness, and they lacked nothing. Their clothes did not wear out and their feet did not swell.  

Nehemiah 9:21

I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me.

Psalm 3:5

Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.

Psalm 55:22

(The Lord)…will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I Corinthians 1:8

Quoted scripture is from the ESV unless otherwise noted.

Those Left Behind

Linda2 Comments

I added another name to my calendar yesterday. The calendar I keep to remind myself of the anniversaries of the deaths of people I want to be sure to remember. That makes three additions to that calendar since I added John’s name in January of this year.

Now another family begins the long road of grieving the loss of their precious loved one.

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The Only Recording that Matters

Linda8 Comments

I put John’s death certificate in our safe deposit box last week. As I type this, I once again think—I still can’t believe this has happened. John’s death certificate.

It took several months for us to receive it in the mail. And once we knew it was on its way, every day as the mail would come, it would be the same thing—heart beating a little faster until I saw that it didn’t come that day.

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Today’s the Day—Tomorrow May Never Come

Linda8 Comments

Once someone has left this life it’s too late to do those things you wanted to do and say those things you wanted to say.

The night before John went to heaven, there was something I wish I had done, but I told myself I would tell him about it later. It was an insignificant thing, but still something I wish I had not put off.

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Trusting God Is a Choice

Linda12 Comments

While praying through whether or not to actually write this blog, and if I decided to go through with it, I wanted to choose a name that would have meaning and would resonate with readers. So why “Waiting with Hope”?

Back in 2008, when John’s struggle with addiction had so overtaken our family, I was working through a Bible study that took me to Psalm 27. I had possibly read this Psalm at some point prior to this particular day, but on this day when I read verses 13 and 14, the words jumped off the page and gripped my heart.

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Cry Out to the Lord    

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The Wednesday before John’s physical death, Robert was out of town on a business trip. I was sitting on the sofa in our living room, where I usually sit when reading my Bible and praying, and I had a come-apart. This was certainly not the first time I had met with and prayed to the Lord in desperation, but this particular morning the weight of the journey of John’s depression and addiction was exceptionally heavy.

I read some, prayed some, cried some, and then began all over again for quite a long time. Near the end of my time with the Lord I was completely overwhelmed and cried out loud that this weight was too much to bear—“how much longer Lord will we have to watch our son destroy himself through drug addiction? How much longer, Lord? I don’t think I can bear this heartache and pain for even one more day.” I desperately pleaded with the Lord to intervene, to free John from the chains of addiction. But the Lord was once again silent—as He seemingly had been for years.

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The Phone Call No Parent Wants to Receive

LindaLeave a comment

Robert talked to John about 9:00pm on Friday, January 6, 2017, to confirm where we would meet him on the 8th once we arrived in Minneapolis. January 8th was his 27th birthday. It had been nine months since we had been up to see him. On April 3, 2016, we left him standing in the driveway of the home where he lived waving goodbye to us. As we drove away, I looked back until we turned the corner, and I silently prayed that it wouldn’t be the last time we saw him.

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