Tag: Thankfulness

His Thoughts and Our Days

Linda6 Comments

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Mother’s Day is six days away. Another hard one to get through. The second one since John left us. And the anticipation of it . . . you can’t walk into a store or turn on the TV without being reminded.

There’s another time in my life when Mother’s Day was difficult. After five years of marriage, we started down a long road of infertility—eight years to be exact. Every Mother’s Day that rolled around I was reminded that I couldn’t celebrate that day as a mom.

But then after the Lord blessed us through adoption with our precious little son, John, Mother’s Day became one of the sweetest days of the year! Just so happy to be a momma. And especially happy to be John’s momma.

Now, if I’m completely honest, I wish Mother’s Day could just go away. But that’s not going to happen. I know I’m still John’s mom even though he’s in Heaven, but these weeks in May are a deep, searing reminder that he’s not here to tell me, and I can’t hear him say, “Happy Mother’s Day! I love you, Momma!”

This time last year we drove down to the beach and stayed for a few days. It was good to get away from home. It had only been four months since John’s physical death.

Sitting on the beach that Sunday, I put my earbuds in and began listening to praise music. As I sat there taking in all the vastness of the ocean, so many questions and so many thoughts went round and round in my mind.

Why, Lord? I so wanted to see John healed in this life.

When did things go awry? John loved us so much.

Did we do all we could have? Maybe we could have done more.

Will our broken hearts ever mend? This pain is too much.

As my thoughts and questions began to mount up, I felt myself going into a dark hole. I realized I needed to replace my thoughts with Truth from God’s Word. And I needed to do it quickly.

So I opened up the Bible app on my phone and began reading some of the scriptures that had especially brought me comfort over the previous four months. I read several verses and then scrolled to Psalm 139.

The verse from this Psalm that had given, and continues to give me so much peace . . .

“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written every one of them, the days that are formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” v. 16

Every day John lived on this earth was already written in God’s book before he took one breath as a newborn baby. I’m so thankful the Lord gave us this verse in His Word. No matter my questions or my thoughts, the Lord ordained John’s days.

As I continued reading, God gave me a beautiful, tangible picture of His love through verses 17 and 18. I knew I had read the verses before as I has read this whole Psalm numerous times. But the specific words had not resonated with my heart like they did that day . . .

“How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand…” (my emphasis)

As I sat there reading this verse, my toes were literally in the sand—a vast number of grains all around me that I would never be able to count. According to Psalm 139:17-18, so are His thoughts toward me.

How loved and encouraged I felt in that moment when the Lord reminded me through His Word of how often He thinks of me and how intimately He knows me and how deeply He cares for me. My heavenly Father, the Lord over all. His thoughts toward me are more than the grains of sand!

I am forever thankful to God for the utmost privilege of being John’s momma.

I am forever thankful to God for the mother I had who John is now with in Heaven.

I am forever thankful to God that He is helping me as I continue to work through the reality that John is no longer with us.

Today marks 16 months since John passed from this life to the next. For all of eternity John will live in the presence of God.

And time for us continues to go by—one day at a time.

The Bible says that we each have a definitive number of days that God has ordained for us to live on this earth. I want to live the rest of mine serving Him in faithful obedience.

May I ask . . . how are you living your days? I pray it is in faithful obedience to your Heavenly Father.

If you’re not sure God is your Heavenly Father, could I ask you to read more here, and consider how and for whom you are living your days?

And Brother or Sister in Christ, if you are in a place where your thoughts and questions take you to a dark hole, turn your thoughts to Him. His thoughts are toward you . . . more than the grains of sand.

“O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.”

Psalm 139:1-2

“If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,’ even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.”

Psalm 139:11-12

“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”

Psalm 139:23-24

 

Quoted scripture is from the ESV unless otherwise noted.

Christmas without John

Linda2 Comments

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Why is it that holidays evoke such strong feelings? I guess it’s because everywhere you look and everything you hear seems to revolve around families being together. And then the memories from years past… holidays are difficult for many people.

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I have many near-to-my-heart memories with John at Christmas. We always made a birthday cake for Jesus and had a special Bible time each night leading up to Christmas day in anticipation of celebrating His birth. Our favorite Christmas music began playing at home and in our car the day after Thanksgiving, and our favorite Christmas movie played as we decorated the tree. We always bought a new ornament that would represent something special from the current year. As we would hang all the ornaments from previous years, we would enjoy together the memories each ornament would bring to mind. So, so many memories.

But now…

As I reflect over the past few Christmases the reality is that John wasn’t at home with us. He was either not doing well enough to come home, or he was in a recovery program. So why is this Christmas so much harder? And I realize that before this year, there was always hope that “next Christmas” things would be better and John would be home. And now that hope is gone—gone with his physical death.

Oh I know we will see John again in Heaven. And I know John is celebrating Jesus’ birth in a way we can only imagine—in the very presence of God. But selfishly my heart is broken that John is not with us and will never again be with us in this life…. and I miss him oh so very much.

So as we continue to muddle through this holiday season, I am faced with things like:

…signing one less name on the cards and gift tags,

…realizing that all those special Christmas ornaments won’t be passed on to John,

…not being able to listen to our favorite Christmas music,

…not enjoying the season as I once did.

But the one thing I am doing this year is being so very thankful for what Christmas means. Because of Christmas, I have hope that our family will one day be reunited to celebrate together for all of eternity because of our faith in Jesus.

So my friends, this Christmas savor the time with family and friends, give good, long hugs, celebrate the hope we have in God through the tiny baby who was sent many years ago. Immanuel—God with us. Because God is with us, we have hope, and He will get us through.

“She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet: “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us).”

Matthew 1:21-23

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”

Romans 15:13

 

Quoted scripture is from the ESV unless otherwise noted.

Pray with Thanksgiving Even in Suffering

Linda1 Comment

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It seems that every week I hear of someone else. Someone who is dealing with tremendous pain and suffering. And it’s all right around me. People suffering heavy heartache through deaths of loved ones, young adults living with depression and suicidal thoughts, parents dealing with wayward children, friends suffering serious illnesses, loved ones helplessly watching family members destroy themselves through addiction and mental illness—and these are just a few things that have recently crossed my path. If we were to each write down the names and hardships of the people we know, and then combine them, I’m certain the specific situations would be extensive and the list very, very long.

At times, and sometimes often, life is extremely heavy.

When I read scripture, specifically about suffering and trials, I should not be surprised. The Bible is clear that as followers of Christ we will have suffering, trials, and hardship.

Just a few reminders that I’ve recently read (the emphasis is mine):

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness” James 1:2-3

” … you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith … may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:6-7

“Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.” Psalm 34:19

So if suffering is to be part of my life as a Christ follower, how do I deal with the day in and day out of it all? Read these words from Philippians, chapter four:

“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (vv. 6-7)

Pray—Let Your Requests Be Made Know to God 

I don’t know about you, but if I take the time to sit, to be quiet, and to talk to God about what’s troubling me, I really do feel better afterwards. There’s something about being still before my Heavenly Father and telling him what’s on my heart and mind.

Take the time to pray. Don’t mull over in your head again and again the situation of which you have no control. This will cause even more anxiety. When worry, sadness, or other negative thoughts flood your mind again, pray.

Thanksgiving—Be Thankful No Matter What

There are many places in scripture where we are told to be thankful. And even when situations look grim, we are still to be thankful. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 comes to mind (the emphasis is mine):

“give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 

There have been plenty of days this year when I didn’t want to pray, when I didn’t want to sit before my Heavenly Father and tell him about or ask him for anything. Perhaps not the best attitude, yet it’s true. Still on those days or shortly after them, I have tried to remember to say, not my will but yours, Lord Jesus, help me to be thankful.

Am I thankful for the hard circumstance? No. Am I thankful that I have a good Heavenly Father who loves me, wants his best for me, is entirely in control of ALL things no matter what it looks like to me, is working this circumstance for my good and his glory? Yes.

So I will say thank you. Thank you, God, that you are working in me in ways I cannot see nor understand. But because of what I know from your Word about your character, and what I have previously experienced in my life while walking with you, I will say thank you.

The Peace of God—Guarding Our Hearts and Minds

What a great word…peace. Don’t we all want peace in our hearts and minds? A state of tranquility or quiet; a state of security or order; a state of rest; freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions. These definitions of peace sound really good to me, and these are what I seek based on Philippians 4:6-7.

The peace of God guarding my heart and mind from oppresive thoughts and emotions; giving me rest and security; tranquility, order, and quiet. The peace of God that is difficult to explain because it surpasses all human understanding.

And do you want to know the ironic thing about Philippians 4:6-7? Several years back, our precious John was the first person I remember who pointed out to me the “with thanksgiving” part. I had paraphrased and said the verses to him, and he replied to me something like, “don’t forget the thankful part, Momma”. I went right away and looked up the verses in my Bible, and there it was. It’s easy to skip right over that part, isn’t it? Just pray and get peace? But instead it says to pray with a thankful heart.

Don’t be anxious—instead pray. Pray—but with thanksgiving. Be thankful in submission to God—experience peace that watches over your heart and mind. Peace that many may not understand, but is a glorious supernatural gift from our loving Heavenly Father.

 

Quoted scripture is from the ESV unless otherwise noted.