Addiction is a thief. It steals not only the addict’s ability to live a productive, fruitful life, but it also steals from those who love the addict and makes you blind to the person you know is underneath.

As the parent, you can find yourself so focused on trying to find help for your son or daughter, that life becomes completely submerged in all the bad that goes on around addiction. We can forget who our child really is underneath the surface.

As Robert and I have been reflecting on John’s life since he went to heaven in January, 2017, we have both been “remembering”.

John was such a loving, sensitive, and caring guy—even when he was a little boy.

We remember the Christmas when he was preschool age and my momma and daddy gave him a big red fire truck. As John tore into the gift and saw the picture of the fire truck on the outside of the box, he immediately stopped opening the gift, looked up at my parents and said, “you shouldn’t have”. What preschooler says that?

At those birthday parties at the skate center and the bowling alley when John would open his gifts, he was much more concerned that the gift giver felt appreciated rather than tearing into the next unopened gift to see what he got. He read every card and thanked every person before moving on to the next gift. Most little kids don’t think like that.

When John was in 10^th grade, the mom of a special needs classmate passed away. John didn’t know this guy that well, but he knew he was hurting, so John dressed up and went to the funeral. John’s English teacher later emailed us to tell us how John had impressed him so much as he stood embracing the tearful classmate and answering his questions about heaven.

Early into John’s struggle with addiction, we were having a family-counseling session. The counselor was meeting with just Robert and me. After we got home, the counselor called to tell us that while John was waiting for us to finish up, he had shared the gospel with a young girl who was waiting for her counseling session, and the girl had trusted in Christ.

The week of John’s physical death, many of his friends were so kind to send us notes including their memories of John—things we never knew anything about.

One guy called to tell us how much he loved John, and that even though John was years younger than himself, he would go to John for spiritual counsel. He told us John was wise beyond his years and was loved by many. That he had had a ministry there at rehab in helping guys with their spiritual walks. We had no idea.

Another of John’s friends sent a message and told us that John was the first guy to welcome him to the program they were in together, and that John was also the first guy he had spent time with in prayer. He told us that the Lord had used John greatly in his life. Again, we never knew.

Yet another friend wrote a letter and told us that John was the reason he had stayed in rehab because he had wanted to leave the program many times. He told us how much John cared about the people he loved, including us, and how much he had seen John grow spiritually. He wrote, “I don’t think John lost his battle with addiction. I think the Lord called him home so he didn’t have to fight any more. But not before he touched many lives. He was a great friend.”

There are many other stories I could share with you about our son and the gifts God had given him. He was gifted in music and art; he was a writer and wrote Robert and me several poems that are invaluable to us now. Just a glimpse into a young man’s heart and mind—our boy’s heart and mind.

As parents of addicts, it’s difficult to see the good, and sometimes, as with us, you don’t even know about the good. We are forever thankful for a loving Father and good friends to remind us and share with us.

God gave John these gifts—shepherding, mercy, evangelism, encouragement. We tend to think, “what a wasted life”, but was it really? Was it wasted according to God’s divine plan? I don’t think so.

I don’t know what you’re currently facing or what you may face in the future, but if you find yourself in a difficult relationship or situation—look for the good, even when the bad seems overwhelming. Don’t get so focused on the negative, that you miss God’s work and His blessings.

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work … will bring it to completion…”

Philippians 1:6

Quoted scripture is from the ESV unless otherwise noted..